Hello, whassup, good morning from the Bronx!

I ran from my bed to where I sit here, too hurried even to wash or dress before writing, so that I don't forget this, so that I can get it down to record it. So, if you are put off by that lol, or don't want to read about a dream, I completely understand. I just need to get it in words, to record it, somehow (and no naked video-blogs - ever! is my rule - not to worry!) lol

I was dreaming - instants ago! - that I was heading to Heaven ... and I DIDN'T WANT TO GO!!

There was a gentle Voice explaining to me that my time was up, that my Work had been good, that I was ready to go... there were Voices of congratulations, and welcoming Voices...

I was surrounded by reassurances and Love.... but I still didn't wanna!

I was being reassured that, like a rain drop it was only Tension that was keeping me "in form"... and that now I would be releasing the earthly tension and re-joining the Source... free! Free of tension, free of worry, free of anger and all the rest of it...

But I didn't want to go!!

Now, to be clear, other than a large number of siblings spread out widely geographically, I don't have a family of my own: no children, kind of flying around hither and thither living this Life that is mine, so it wasn't that my family needed me, or something honorable like that.

I just DIDN'T WANNA!!

The setting was odd, when this dream "thing" happened: I was in Italy, someplace I had been before, but I just couldn't quite recall...

I was with a group, for a workshop or something like that but it was a night "off" and we were going sightseeing. As we were waiting (LONG time!), I sat on a light aluminum beach chair... and when our tram came, I realized I couldn't just leave the chair there on the street, that I had to bring it back into the hotel. I ran, telling the others , "I'll catch up!" But, once inside, I was frustrated; the hotel concièrge was ignoring me, no one could see me, and that I seeing that I was next in line. All were being generally being unhelpful, until finally, I was going to just leave the chair there, and got served.

Once freed up thusly, I ran outside but of course the tram had left... so I had to go to the office and buy a new ticket. (Okay, okay, there were also some Spanish tourists there with a map and I asked them for help and we spoke in Spanish until some puppies showed up that were so cute... all manner of dreamy distraction!)

When I finally got to The Office, I showed my credentials to a suspicious woman at the counter, and went to pay, only to realize I did not have my bag with me! No worries! Reaching into my pocket, I felt money, and pulled out a Deutschmark draft - Worthless! We all had a good laugh, and then I reached back in my pocket, pulling out a 50 euro bill (which I have never seen) to pay for my ticket. She disappeared a long while, but when she finally came back, I got my ticket.

And then IT HAPPENED!

As I sat in the waiting area, the booth I was in began to lift UP, and the folks around me said "oh it must be your time, bon voyage." I saw other chairs around me also lifting, not all, but some, and I recognized some fellow travelers... curious!

Surprisingly, when I figured out what was up, I was NOT happy.

The other "lifters" were a bit muddled like me, but mostly happy about living that for which we had waited our whole lives ... but not me! I was crying. I didn't want to go.

I just didn't wanna!

I didn't want to release the tension and go into the flow...I quite liked being Kathryn and - truth be told - trading in the bird in the hand for "what was behind the mystery curtain where Carol Merrill was standing" (if you caught that reference you are old like me lol) always seemed like a dumb idea to me!

Now I know myself to be in the second half of life (to put it generously lol), and many friends and family have already passed (RIP Dave, Rosemary, Didier, most recently), so it is normal that thoughts of "The End." come to mind...

But this dream was NOT about death. Not the final kind, anyway.

It was about a different kind of dying (at least for now.) This dream was about endings and new beginnings in the here-and-now. CHANGES.

As we all do - and it seems like even more so in these times - many of us are facing them: changes, BIG ones! Changes so BIG that they can feel like dying, a little. So they an be scary. And maybe the "I DON'T WANNA !", complete with jutting jaw and concrete-crossed arms comes up...

But here is that Voice again, calm, compassionate, understanding of our angst, reassuring us that "All is well, all is well, all is very, very well..."

Like a parent who has prepared a surprise visit to the circus taking a child who would rather stay inside and play video games, the Voice reassures me (us?) that wonders are in store, that we can safely let go of our small plans because something real and wonderful is coming.

ALL IS WELL!

And yet, even in my dreams I had trouble with it! HA!

Of course, if I jump OUT of that flying booth, I would have some problems, maybe! Or maybe I would just land on my ass and take the next tram, who knows? Try to catch up to my past...

But if I stay present, and curious and "go with the Flow",allowing the shifting that is occurring, apparently, things get pretty interesting... and I will be in GOOD Company!

I woke up crying, a funny mix of leftover emotion from the dream. But now, I'm good. Mostly lol

And I AM ON BOARD!!

So today, with sessions in a couple of hours, and some fun with friends planned for tonight, with a few more days of sessions and fun here in New York until I fly to Martinique and then Guadeloupe (it is finally confirmed - you'd think I were back in dream-Italy! lol) and New York then Paris, and, and, and ... I open and relax into it All.

Knowing that All Is Very Well, that everything is being Handled Perfectly (no sense in me meddling with Perfection HA!), I think I will (shower and dress lol), have a cuppa, relax, let the tension go and go with the Flow...

EnJOYing the ride from the Bronx...