Kathryn Hudson Today

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Saturday 25 March 2017

When It's Time to Change (The Brady Bunch)


I am enthusiastic in my greeting this morning, because the sky is freakin' BLUE here in Paris, and change is in the air!

During the last months, as is her wont, Paris has been dressing in more than 50 shades of gray: wet, dry, misty, freezing, damp, warmish, windy... you get the idea!

But it feels like a sea shift this morning, and after all, aren't we almost in April?


Besides the blue skies, I am positively giddy this morning, because I woke up laughing. I love when that happens!

It was the dream I was having, or at least the sound track to it, that had me wake up chipper and giggly... does anyone remember The Brady Bunch??

Well, I woke up to a song those lucky kids sang in a recording studio when Peter's voice began to change (remember they adjusted the song so he could still sing with them?), TIME TO CHANGE. The refrain went like this:

When it's time to change, you've got to rearrange, for you you are and a-what you're gonna be!

(Shan na na na na na na na nah - SHANANANANAH!) (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

Arguably THE kids' show from the 70's in the US (but who can forget the Partridge Family? Greg was no match for David Cassidy! Just sayin'.), The Brady Bunch came into millions of homes through maybe (like at our house) a black-and-white tv at first, then spectacular COLOR... a lifetime ago!

So why did this song show up today?

Because I needed to get the message!

Sometimes we receive messages "from the other side" (family members who have passed, our ANGELS or guides, for example) in such ways: a song that pops into our head which we hadn't thought of in decades maybe (!)... lights flickering on and off ... repetitive numbers... feathers or coins popping up everywhere... the list goes on and on! (One of mine is hair elastics - long story, but they are everywhere, just like ANGELS!) ;-)

So this morning, when I woke up laughing, I ran for my computer to listen to the song, knowing it to be a message, to refresh my memory (the link to the song is on my Facebook page, just below this posting, if we are connected on Facebook. :-))

The lyrics, like the refrain and the idea that the seeds for who we will (or can) be are already within us: Greg and Marcia singing that the man or woman we will become is within us already. And Peter underlining the fact that this is not always easy news, that there are growing pains... but ALSO that we can have FUN with them...


Okay, okay... or not. ;-)

Whatever the case, they have a point, and springtime is the BEST season to have that point grab our attention. NEW LIFE bursting all around us! Or beginning to, anyway...

But what do we do when NEW LIFE knocks at our door?

Do we fling the door open wide, knowing that it is merely our next step, with a cry of YAY!!! ? Or not?

Instead, do we maybe we look backward with nostalgia (even if it wasn't realllly all that great), and instead try to hang on to the known and the comfortable (or the known and the UNcomfortable?)

It seems sometimes like we are conditioned for the status quo, not to rock the boat... even if we have been seasick of it for years.

It may be that the idea of the unknown that is calling us - all the variables and what-if/scary scenarios our mind plays to stop us from becoming who we are meant to be - is simply too much for us to take and so we stay put.

As adults we may think we are a "finished product." But as wonderful as you already are (and you are! lol), there is always another iteration of ourselves ready and waiting to be birthed. So the woman I can become is waiting to step out... and sometimes this can be scary.

In addition, if we accept to grow, our movement and change impacts those we love, and not always softly. So sometimes we decide to "play nice"; we stay put and don't allow our beautiful Voice to emerge.

The word for Voice in French ("voix", pronounced "vwah") is a homonym (sounds the same lol) as the word for Path ("voie", also pronounced "vwah")... another reason why I love French! :-) When we step further into our authenticity and dare to speak (or sing!) our truth, the highest possible path opens up to us, clearly and easily...

I think back to the (fun) times hanging out with friends in the bars of the Bronx and Inwood in Manhattan. Sure, we had a good few laughs, and I met some amazing people in those days, people I still proudly call friends. But if I had not ventured out, I would be a shrunken version of myself right now. We are always invited to change and shift, each in our own way. Even if the shifting proves uncomfortable...

But - uneasiness aside - 'tis the season indeed, and I can feel the call to the new: the teachers I have trained to take up the baton here are now ready to go... my FIRST BOOK (!!!) is coming out here in May with the publisher for whom I had been hoping... my schedule is now filling with book signings... hopefully my dance card will also fill with a US literary agent so it will come out in English, too, sometime soon... a Brazilian translation is on the horizon... and there are new countries to work in (Switzerland, Tahiti (!!!!)), new people to see and places to go...

LOTS of change! Good stuff - YAY stuff! But I definitely also have a case of the "EEK"s: part of me is skittish like a colt and unnerved about these and other changes to come. Some I know about, and some I can just feel coming on.

However, the alternative of NOT changing is no longer possible, and so with a nervous but gleeful cry of EEK, and then YAYYY! I embrace these new doors opening, and move forward gracefully, no clinging to what was.


This morning I am filled with GRATITUDE: to the Brady gang, to the Sun and her shine, for sure... but most of all to my Angels for their fun-loving message to calm frazzled bits of me with a fun song, ripe with meaning, from my childhood! I LOVE You!

And, yeah, I get it: it's time to rearrange for who I am and a-what I'm gonna be!

Starting today, it's a GO!

Rearranging from Paris...

Monday 13 March 2017

When Someone (or Something) Disappoints


Paris is sunny today, a nice change from the last three years (okay, okay it's only been two weeks of rain and clouds, but...)

That said, it's COLD.

It's cold outside, but that's okay: it's supposed to be cold outside- it's March, and "March can be cold as ..." (fill in the expression you prefer here. Something about a witch maybe,lol.)

So yes it's cold outside, but damned if it isn't cold INside too, here! No heat or hot water in the apartment (and I am definitely not back in that tenement walk-up in the Bronx here, so I expect more!)

I am disappointed. And my disappointment makes the level of annoyance about washing myself in cold water, worse. MUCH worse.

Furthermore, this inside cold happens at a time when I was supposed to be working in Guadeloupe and Martinique! But that all fell through. Disappointing...

On top of all that cold, a relationship with a friend turned ugly. Things got colder still. So disappointing...

So what's up with this freaking disappointment?

One thing is sure: when I am disappointed in someone or something (or myself??), the feeling of disappointment, well, IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD. As if the disappointment is bigger, somehow, than the underlying problem.

Hmmm... maybe the disappointment itself is the problem...

And so it is!

These things, the obstacles Life throws our way to see if we're paying attention, to help us stand up, to help us grow... well, they're minor. Even when it feels like a "big" disappointment, like losing a job or a friend or partner, the changes are always set up in our favor.


You heard me. The Game is rigged in our favor!

The Game is rigged FOR us, by a loving Universe/Father/Mother. So even the "bad" stuff (we do love to label shit!) is set up to bring us into a new place, a new "us", maybe, where our light will have more and more space to breathe... and to shine!

But often, we OURSELVES block that "good" from coming out of a "bad" situation! (MORE labels, pUH-lease! lol)

On the work front, for example, when I lost my job, it opened the door for a new job, one that didn't even exist before, one I would create (with the help of You-Know-Who!) And now I wake up every day (just about!) happy and eager to get to it!

Another example, on the health front: when I blew out my knees running marathons (the apocalypse was at mile 18 in the Philly Marathon of 2002 - and I KEPT GOING, ugh!), it forced me to stop, to wake up and start caring for the body that I had been abusing for decades. Now my body and I, we are on the same team!! (And it lets me run again sometimes, yay!)

In terms of relationships (friends or partners or lovers), who hasn't experienced the end of a relationship that felt like the end of the world... but it wasn't?

These are some of my examples; but don't we all have some?

Life changes all the time. People come into our life, or they leave it. Work comes into our life, and it changes or leaves. What we play at enters and evolves and sometimes leaves as well (I don't race sprints anymore lol.)

It's not "good" or "bad", the change, in and of itself. It's NEUTRAL.

But what we MAKE of it? Well, that's a horse of a different color!

Sometimes we handle changes well... but other times? Not so much! Why is that?

Cuz I've got OPINIONS! I've got JUDGEMENTS! I pronounce THIS, "good" and THAT, "bad". I do it all the time!

In fact, sometimes, just about the whole day long is a running diagnostic of what is happening. I am labeling everything as "good" or "bad": "I like THIS", "I don't like THAT"... and so on. "I like HIM"... "I don't like HER" (or vice versa). You get the idea...

Back in the Bronx, where much wisdom abides couched in vulgarity (which I love lol), they say "Opinions are like assholes - everybody's got one." (I have happily translated that wise adage and shared it with students here in France. I'm so proud! lol)

But seriously, isn't it true? We are constantly judging things as good or bad...

And who hasn't MISjudged something or someone?

Often, we stay stuck in judgment - maybe the "spot" kind, where we judge instantly - until Life teaches us (gently or not-so-gently) that we were WRONG. And THEN we shift our opinion... MAYBE. If we don't let our PRIDE stand in our way. UGH!

The thing is, as long as I am judging something as "good", I may shut myself off from other experiences that may even be "better" for me.

And if I judge someone or something "bad", I shut my eyes to ever perceiving the GOOD that is there...

Disappointment, then, lies not in what is happening OUTside of me (the action of people and events which occur), but in how I HANDLE those events. How I judge 'em!

When I fall into the drama trap of my opinions and judgment, I make the Game of Life harder. On me, and on all around me. I make it a real roller coaster ride (not the "good" kind - okay I hate roller coasters; there is no "good" kind! lol The UPS and DOWNS can get to be too much.

And what makes something "good" or "bad" is whether or not it is in line with my EXPECTATIONS. So, finally it is my expectations that hurt me... not people or things or events. My expectations set me up for disappointment.

To be clear, I am not suggesting any kind of a fatalistic view of the world, devoid of hopes and dreams.

Rather, I am exploring how I can live better during periods of change, when what I may have wanted to happen, doesn't. '' First, I can let go of the "shoulds": this should happen, that person should do this, I should do that...''

The should - expectations and judgment all rolled into one! - poison the joy that is meant to be ours. And if I am watching and waiting for something specific to happen, I likely miss out on all the other wonders that surround me (the sun shining on the white buildings all around, the budding of the trees bursting with the new...)

Hell - maybe we're all bursting with the new!

But if I am waiting on the OLD, wishing and yearning for what WAS or what SHOULD be , I will never even notice the glorious green of new Life. the one that is all around me, and waiting to be born through me.

So, today I let go if it all: the cold outside (god bless everyone but bye-bye) and the cold inside (I'll head to the gym and have a nice hot shower there), I am betting the cold INside will subside.

''And second, I will focus on the NEW life all around me... and maybe give the new life waiting for me a nice head start. '' I can do that! It's simple. I let go of all the silly opinions, and let the magic happen!

Yeah, that's the ticket...

... No More "Should"s from Paris...

Monday 27 February 2017

Are YOU a Unicorn?


Paris is grey and chill this morning, the damp in the air not yet condensed to the rain we are expecting all day. Er, all week.

Ahhhh, Paris in the winter! :-)

But (even though it may sound like it), I am not complaining. Ever since I was a child, I felt that the rain was a harbinger for the good, the new, the hopeful... as if God were watering the earth so something better could emerge, something purer and more innocent, something magical, even...

... something like a unicorn.

Now if you grew up Irish like me, maybe right away the old song comes to mind, insisting that "the loveliest of them all was the unicorn."

The song tells of Noah and the ark, and how the unicorns were so caught up playing in the rains that they, er, missed the boat. A fictitious explanation for why an animal that is mentioned in the Bible is never seen by (most) human eyes.

But that's not the real story...

The real story is that from the dawn of time, man and the elemental energies of the Earth (including our uni-horned friends) walked side-by-side, co-guardians of the Earth.

But, sadly, at one point in history, Man turned his back on the role of co-guardian.

He turned his back on the Earth he was meant to cherish and protect, choosing instead to exploit her for her seeming riches, never realizing that the truest riches lie not in her gold or silver but in the beating heart of Life within her.

When man turned his back on the role of guardian he descended in frequency. At the same time the Elementals all (fairies, water sprites, sylphs, and yes unicorns) remained at a very high frequency and so were no longer visible to the grand majority of humans... which is still the case today.

A pretty story, or the hard-copy truth? You decide! (Remembering that the Heart sees better than the eyes, or the mind...)

I have had the great fortune to be a "regular" ( and a "Resource Person" in the world) for the community of Findhorn (a word which means unicorn, quelle surprise) in the north of Scotland where humans are mending the fence put up lo those many years ago. People from all over the planet (and yes, even Westerners!) there are consciously re-cultivating the ties with our co-guardian partners, with a view to serving the realignment to come. Putting us squarely back on the side of the unicorns.

But those are not the unicorns I speak of today. Although they ARE indeed the loveliest of them all, the unicorns to which the title today refers are not those of the Irish ark song, but another kind of unicorn.


Or me.

Both of us, maybe...

How can I say this? Well, let's talk about unicorns for a second (how many adults can say that during their workday? I love my work! lol)

What do we know about unicorns? What are their attributes? __ 1. INNOCENCE.
__ Unicorns are white. Have you ever seen an image of a unicorn that was not white? (Okay my niece dressed up as a rainbow-colored unicorn, but in real life they are white. just sayin'. Love you Shannon!) They are white, light-filled, signifying their purity, or innocence. __ 2. SHY or SELECTIVE?
__ Often unicorns get the bad rap of being timid, skittish, or shy. And while young unicorns may actually exhibit those qualities (as the young will do), adult unicorns are anything BUT skittish. They simply do not, CANNOT stand lies, greed, or any intentions other than love. Can't be around them. (And we wonder why we don't get to see much of them in the world today. lol.) __ 3. MAGICAL POWERS.
__ Unicorns are magical - any damn fool can tell you that. They arrive mysteriously, they leave mysteriously, and while they are present, the air is full of magic. And transformation is possible...

'' So, why do I suggest that maybe we are unicorn-ian?''

The truth of the matter is that, no matter what we have gotten up to in this lifetime (mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa lol), at the base, we are INNOCENT. We are all - still and ever - children of God, and our experiences here are for the time very real-seeming, but the truth of our existence is in our eternal nature, and remains unblemished by the stain of any lower activity we undertake while here. Our natural tendency is toward the Godd, though enviromental factors and (sometimes very) limiting beliefs can bring us to seemingly terrible actions (like hunting unicorns, or people who really DO shine bright light where they go...

Probably, like the unicorns of song or legend, we start off shy. how many children are gievn pause even from the very beginning, unsure if it's safe or okay or acceptable to shine their light? how many children learn to cultivate a "dimmer switch" with certain of the human beings around them? How many forget that dimmer switch and fall into the habit _ the trap! - of leaving the lights on "dim"... maybe for the whole show?

If we forget our light as a child, if we put it aside or hide it, sometimes we forget about it altogether. And life can become a bit dull and grey...

But if we remember at some point? WELL! Gandalf the Grey goes WHITE, and life becomes very interesting indeed...

"It's MAGIC, you know... never believe it's not so!" (Never mind the change of words we sand in the schoolyard, you! lol)

WE ARE MAGIC... NEED PROOF? (i always need proof, I don;t know about yoyu...)

- Ever have something "odd" happen to you? Something "strange", maybe, even? Things that make you go "Hmmmm"? (Thank you, Arsenio... whatever happened to Arsenio?)

- We are capable of astonishing feats, capable of wonders! People giving their lives for others. People anonymously helping one another. People creating works which shape and move and awaken the Heart within others through art and music. The Pietà... The Scream... Vivaldi's Quattro Stagione... Delbert McClinton's "I Got Dreams to Remember" (HEY! To each, his own! lol)...

- There are days we think of something and then - poof! Out of the blue, that person contacts us...

- Or sometimes when the phone rings, we know who it is in advance. Non? ;-)

- There are times when something reappears and we SWEAR it wasn't there just moments before, when we already looked? (A sure sign of fairies, by the way.) Ever happen to you?

- And then there are events which comes seemingly out of the blue (a person, some work, an inspiration) and then POOF our life is changed forever!

The unforeseeable, the unSEEN, surrounds us and impacts us DAILY: the only question is, do we notice it? When incredible synchronicity occurs, can we see the magic of US behind it?

Can we see the loving hand of "God/the Universe/Source/God/dess/Insert Holy name here" intervening and flowing our lives in a different direction? How many times are we convinced that change is BAD... until we get a taste for it and realize its saving grace?

UNlike the film"The Matrix", there are no pills to take the open up to our unicorn lives, the the magic. (I know... I tried!) lol

But LIKE that (great) film (again, my blog, my opinion lol), there IS a "BEFORE" and an "AFTER."

BEFORE we remember we are Unicorns, we can fall into the trap of believing that somehow we are victims of the vagaries of Life, and live life at times like a struggle. Or worse.

But AFTER we step into our AWESOME Unicornosity (!), the Game can get underway.

The magic of GRACE (same thing) regains its place center stage. Doors fly open at just the right time. And other doors SHUT at just the right time too...

To be clear, these things already happen, every day. But only a Unicorn sees clearly with the Heart that the doors that SHUT are always as great a gift as the doors that fly OPEN...

A note of caution, however: when we begin to embrace our innocence (out Light), and our magic, it is important to also embrace the idea of SELECTIVITY. We need to ensure our light id never dimmed again by the presence of people who would stomp it out. Until we are good strong adult unicorns, staying away from light-stompers is always a good idea.

Being SELECTIVE, surrounding ourselves with the people places and things that LIGHT UP (enlighten?) the unicorn in us is essential Unicorn practice!

So today, stepping into my Unicornness, I pledge to remember that I am innocent at the heart of who I am 9which will help me to behave that way. I will ALSO (very important!) remember that everyone else is, too...

I will step into my MAGIC... just noticing that I am (we are!) Accompanied. That there is a loving Hand that watches out for us, and open (or shuts!) the right doors for us at just the right time... if we let it.

I will be selective in how I surround myself, remembering that energy seeks its equilibrium ... and I am looking UP.

Finally, like any good Unicorn. today I will dance and sing (thanks to the legend Delbert McClinton, this has already begun this morning)... and give thanks. Oh yes, I will give great thanks! Big, juicy...

Unicorn Gratitude from Paris...

Monday 20 February 2017

The Importance of Being Nimble (and fun)

Hey y'all !

The weather here on Emerald Isle NC is warm and sunny... so this will be short and sunny! ;-)

Time is speeding along and sometimes it does a body good to simply STOP... and maybe write something down. Something that seems like I need to remember it, perhaps. Something important, maybe.

Something like the Importance of Being Nimble.

Not unlike the book not of the same name (who knows to which classic I am referring? lol)... The Importance (or lack thereof) of being nimble will be highly individual. Maybe you will deem being Nimble as highly desirable as I do, maybe not. But, finally, I am writing this for me, not for you.

It beats tying a string around my finger to remember!

You see, I need - I really really realllllly need - to stay nimble.

I can only speak for myself, but what with the changes in weather (metaphoric and actual) and times (time zones and daylight savings, time existing and non-existing), it seems like I have been needing to dance a bit faster... and also go a bit more slowly.

I have been around long enough to know that when the world asks me to hurry UP, that is precisely when I MOST need to slow DOWN.

Slow DOWN, yes. But not like a clod, plopping down, unmovable objectionable abject object.

No, what is called for, in these here (I have been South too long maybe?) circumstances, is to slow down, nimble-like.

Cuz dyin' ain't much of a livin, boy. (Outlaw Josie Wales was on last night.)

That is to say, if I keep on going at the world's pace, I lose. My life is not longer my own, I am owned. And that ain't happening!

But if I just STOP, and dig my heels in, then I am refusing life. I am playing the game of life - which is improvisation - as the worst improv actor ever - ONE WHO SAYS NO.

The trick is to say "YES" (okay I see what cards I am being dealt and I will play with them)... but "YES AND"...

YES, okay, these are my currents cards and I will play them...
...AND I will work until my break an hour from now then go or a walk (on the beach- sorry!)
...AND I will play these cards until I get tired then I will take a break and breathe easy, or do whatever my body needs to relax.
...AND I will continue to work in a given place or capacity but, making up my mind to move on, will seek other employment at the same time.
...AND I will continue to follow my dream no matter what.
...AND I will continue to stand up for the values I believe in.
...AND I will wear what I want.
...AND I will speak my truth. No matter what.
...AND I will play.

That last one is important!

I will play the Game as it is set up, but I WILL PLAY.


NO MATTER WHAT the world is dishing out, I will maintain high energy by not allowing ANYTHING to drag me down. Because if I am dragged down, I become part of the problem, not the solution.

I will play, and have fun, cause that's the way I rock 'n' roll.

Nimble like a thimble from Emerald Isle...

Wednesday 11 January 2017

We Can Do This the Hard Way, or...


Paris is cold and gray and wet this morning, horns are blaring outside my window joined by what seems to be two drivers fighting (I love French cussing) under my window.

Doesn't it just make you want to shout, "YAY WEDNESDAY!"?

Maybe not? Me neither! It definitely feels like the day is beginning the hard way...

So let me test out that age-old idea that we can do this the hard way or the easy way. I call a mulligan!


What an exciting day lies ahead as I meet with my editor to discuss the springtime launch of my first book, THE ANGELS TOLD ME SO (A Lightworkers Manual)!

Hmmm... which one feels better? Easy!

But in that exercise, I notice a HABIT - cultivated since my Bronx childhood - of looking on the Dark Side of things. But I am nobody's father, and black doesn't suit me. (Okay that's not true, black suits everyone; I just don't wear much of it anymore.)

That habit, the one that started this blog (incredibly, on this red-letter day) focused on the negative instead of the amazing positive that awaits me, is ONLY HABIT. And even though it is clearly embedded in me, if I notice it, I can call a mulligan (that wondrous golf do-over!) and tee the day off again.

It is not surprising that the habit exists. People tell me ALL THE TIME that I am wrong, that I am Pollyanna, that I am not realistic... that things have to be hard.

I call BULLSHIT! (Another wonderful Bronx game, does anyone remember?)

If we believe that things have to be hard, it is no surprise that life might seem heavy and bereft of magic. But there is magic even in that, as we use our magic to create what we believe awaits us. We create with our thoughts and our words as well as our actions.


My do-over of the beginning of this blog is an example... the tone set in the second version will win the day! My mood lifted and, ready for the new day, I am bound to attract nicer experiences and better surprises as the day unfolds.

OUR MAGIC IS THAT WE ATTRACT TO US WHAT WE GIVE OFF. If I give off that this is a crap day, I will only see the crap around me, maybe even literally stepping in shit instead of seeing the winter flowers in the garden... or figuratively "stepping in it", lucky.

This life (I remind myself) is made of up days.

So, each day is my masterpiece: I need to stay in it, fiercely ensuring that I don't slip off into the past that was (or how I wished it were), OR go off daydreaming into the future, and thereby calling forth either a nightmare or a dream. If I am in the past or the future I miss the only Life I have, today.

As a group, we are passing through troubled times. This, too, we can do the easy way or the hard way. Maybe we can use our words - our magic! - carefully, ensuring as little collateral damage as possible, even when standing for our values. We can be firm in our beliefs but gentle in our demeanor, thus allowing a greater possibility of walking with others, who are different from us, in peace.

Vitriol never stirs up peace, not with the outside world, nor within us. And peace is the Easy Way.

Back to the habit which had me seeing gray and cold and wet instead of an exciting appointment related to a lifelong dream. (Wha-a-at?) lol

Focusing on the dream shifted the energy of this day, lifted my spirits right away! Where I focus goes my day!

But MAYBE I can shift my focus no matter what I am looking at! Even in the gray and cold I can choose to see beauty. Paris is beautiful in every season. As I ponder leaving, I can savor these moments, creating still-life images and memories in silver tones.

In the cold, maybe I can be grateful I am not too hot (and with the onset of menopause that is not a small thing lol.) Or I can be grateful for the warm clothing I have, or the blanket fort/bed that awaits me each night.

This is not Pollyanna denying the cold and gray, but rather me seeing within the situation what I can be thankful for. This new habit shifts my day UPward.

These are choices I can make - this is the magic power we have.

I need to remember that power: my thoughts control my day, and only I control my thoughts.

And I CAN control them: I can pick and choose the worthy ones, the ones that move me to positive peaceful action, not in fear but calmly. I can let go of the ones that disturb my zen, or have me thinking negatively. Even in the face of troubled times, I can choose to focus on what could go RIGHT instead of what could go WRONG, for example, and move in that direction, in many small ways available to me.

If I don't do things the easy way (ensuring the magic of my life is wrought by the highest of thought and attitudes) then I allow the past, old habits and fears, to control me. To steal my magic.

NOT HAPPENING! After years of doing things the hard way, it is time to truly (MAGICALLY!) take on life...

The Easy Way from Paris...

Sunday 1 January 2017

Walk Gently Between Worlds... to RUN FORWARD

Happy new Year form da Bronx! :-)

It is always special to wake up in this apartment, where my parents and then my mother lived for many years... to put the kettle on, and then to sit and sip my tea in the very spot where my Mom sat so many mornings, looking out the window with her coffee as the world passed by.

I can feel her here still (when I am still enough, when I walk gently enough), and almost catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye, playful. In my heart I hear her, whispering not a call backward but a gentle encouragement to go FORWARD. To remember her, and all that has been, but - with renewed enthusiasm and courage - to let go of everything that WAS (the good, the bad, and the ugly) in favor of everything that IS and what WILL BE.

My Mom was always practical, as a woman with seven children in a 6th floor walk-up needs to be I suppose, much more practical than her once-banker daughter.

On a morning like this, I sit with her in the space in-between where anything can happen: in between then and now ... in between here and there (I leave for Paris tonight, a flying visit through the Bronx after Emerald Isle) ... and in between 2016 and 2017.

I can almost hear her say LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTED!

Okay, okay, she would never have said that lol. But - lover of parties that she was - she thrills the sense of it through to me, somehow... an admonition to WASTE NO MORE TIME in sadness or nostalgia over what WAS (or could have been), but rather to RUN FORWARD into the waiting arms of 2017.

Jump in his lap, maybe! ;-)

My Mom was always right.

About guys I dated or following my dream to Paris, my Mom was always right.

So on this day when i am hearing what she would say so clearly, I think it is time to heed her advice.


Knowing my Mom would never send me into danger (only I do that) ... and knowing that if ever what is coning wears me down, I can always return (GENTLY, only gently will do, no bursting through Doorways is possible), walking back into this in-between space between worlds (either in this Bronx apartment or elsewhere.)

And, again, once filled with quiet clarity in that in-between space, I will once again, as I will today ...

RUN FORWARD to wherever I am meant to be...

Thursday 29 December 2016

When It's Time, It's Time

Mornin' y'all!

The "y'all"s have taken hold of me on this trip, and well as many other colorful Southern people and expressions, including, i am loathe to say, a growing taste for country music.

It must be time to go.

Not just because I run the risk of anchoring in a love for country music (although that is a danger), but also just because it's time.

When it's time, it's time.

Today I am up early, awaiting the sun in a more calm state, knowing that today is the last 68-degree day I will have for a while... and that tomorrow's sunrise will be lost in the tornado that is me on last-second-task morning before flying through New York to Paris this weekend.

When it's time it's time.

And it IS time, isn''t it?

Time to LET GO of the OLD. Let GO of this 2016 (I was going to say this durn shitty 2016, sorry!) and move forward into the NEW.

Time to say goodbye to those who were part of our lives in 2016 but who aren't anymore (Prince, Ziggy Stardust, Carrie and Debbie, and so many more) ... and to turn to the future.

Time to shake the dust off muh boots (I told ya! lol) and move on. My Game is not over, it feels like it is maybe even far from over... it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings...

I ain't done yet. :-)

So resolutely I turn all attention to today, this day., and towards the future! No more looking backward at the woulda coulda shouldas...

A new page lies unwritten, a fresh field of snow lies waiting for our footsteps... or whatever too-small metaphor you like that tries to pin down the enormity of the potential of a new year awaiting our Creation. These last days of the year feel like a pregnant pause that will give birth to something remarkable, something new, something altogether DIFFERENT.


I've decided to say YES instead of NO.

I will not bow to resignation or sadness over the unknowns of the future as I know that in us - in ALL of us! - lies the possibility of change and renewal. (Even me lol.)

I will not lower my head and slump into recriminations, but rather see clearly that whatever didn't happen in 2016 that i thought SHOULDA (oh how I felt the BERN), the life we have and the government we have is always exactly what we most need.

My Mom called it way-back-when: there is a reason for everything.

So, I will trust that Reason, that God, that Source (or whatever you want to call It.)

I trust that I Am (we are) all in good hands. And insofar as we are willing to stand in our values and dare to keep our hearts open and continue to (with the audacity of riding a once-broke bicycle in a triathlon) love, we (individually and as a nation and as a world) will face whatever comes. With grace, maybe, and much divine assistance.

WHATEVER is happening, is happening in perfect timing.

And since I know that, I know it's time, So I cultivate a healthy CURIOSITY about the future, even as I take a step back into the life that "was", knowing that (even if we do not get moved around the planet), the fresh and NEW that awaits me (us) will be exactly what I need. After all,

It's Time from Emerald Isle...

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