Bonjour!
I am sitting here at my desk in beautiful Paris this morning admiring the
sunshine on the green of my pal Tree, whose profusion of leaves now impede my
view of the Seine. Which normally I could see from here, but now I have to just
"know" that it is still flowing, just over... there!
Guess I'll have to go for a run/walk to see the river, which is calling me
this morning. I love Paris early in the morning. Even when I'm not supposed to
be here...
Alright, alright, correction: I AM supposed to be here.
We are ALWAYS exactly where we are supposed to be, even if we're not in the
place we WANT to be. In such cases, cases like mine this morning, when we find
ourselves NOT where we had planned to be, there is almost certainly a lesson to
be learned. A take-away to be recognized. A jewel to be uncovered in what might
seem like dirt.
Of course, Paris ain't dirt! lol
That said, up until a couple of days ago, I was pretty sure that today -
this weekend - would have me teaching in Belgium, at the home/spiritual
teaching center of some friends.
BRAHHHHHHHH! (sound of a game-show buzzer announcing, in no uncertain terms,
how VERY wrong we are.) WRONG.
Not wrong about the friends part - sh&^ happens - but about being in
Belgium.
After all, I'm in Paris right?
From the beginning, this Belgium workshop was not easy.... and when
something is meant to be, it's NOT supposed to be a struggle.
Then a couple of days ago, there was a(nother) cancelleation: a certain
person was willing to eat her registration downpayment, a fishy sign. (That
person had been most enthusiastic from the beginning, the first one to sign
up.) And then the last of a long series of sad emails from my friend and
co-organizer who had invited me to come teach, saying that her husband had once
again gone "off" about the ANGEL workshop. Something else had pissed him off,
the situation was tense...
The winds of change were battering me. I got tired of hanging on so
tightly.
So I let go.
And, swwoped up by angel wings, I landed here in Paris (which is not
half-bad!) ;-)
It's not always easy to let go. I - we? - seem to come with hands that grip,
like the old action figures.
I am usually pretty good about letting go these days, but with this
situation, releasing and opening my hands took me a bit. Sure, I LOVE teaching
the workshop, but it was more than that. The thing is, letting go is me saying
to Spirit, "OK, OK, I get it. I am not in the driver's seat here, YOU are."
ouch.
Letting go requires a leap of faith, a step into a void, awaiting that
confirmation that we will be caught. Hopefully, swooped up into the arms of
angels and brought to rest somewhere nice. But in the pre-swooping instant, our
faith - my trust - is tested. Can I let go of my Bronx-style cynicism learned
so young? Can I trust?
Apparently, YES! :-)
Happily, I am not the only one who was swooped up. Some folks who were to
participate will come instead to the ANMGELS workshop at Vence (in the South of
France) in July instead, which is cool. Others, I'll see at another time in
Belgium, probably not until next year. I spoke to each and to all, and am
convinced that the decision is for the best.
Now that I've been swooped (again), I see again, and can trust, that
everything - ALWAYS - happens for a reason.
Reasons, take-aways? OH, yeah!
One: The experience will help our hosts work some things out.
Two: I need to always set out terms of a location rental and all necessary
details in writing well in advance, even (especially) with friends.
THREE (and most important for yours truly): I could have avoided the whole
freakin' fiasco.
When something is meant to be, things move forward seamlessly, easily,
without effort. They FLOW. With workshops, this usually means an enthusiastic
response from (ALL) proprietors of the space, quickly-filled groups, love and
positive energy abounding.
When something is NOT meant to happen, we (ok, ok - I -
lol) sometimes try anyway, going against the Flow, forcing the thing. The
difference is tangible: we introduce into our creation the element of struggle,
of swimming upstream. The moment this project felt like swimming upstream, I
should have bailed. Which, if I'm honest, would have been months ago. Nothing
moved easily for this workshop, in clear contrast to the others.
Essentially, it's our choice: we either stay flexible and allow the
Flow to carry us OR we swim upstream.
I either pass through portals peacefully OR I have my shoulder jammed up
against a door, shoving at it, pushing to get in.
I either choose to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, OR I hand
it over to be swooped.
Of course, technically, i could have kept pushing. I could be in Belgium
right now, in the middle of a family feud, trying to teach. But fortunately, I
folded my hand and got up from that particular table.
Knowing when to fold 'em is critical. To be able to fold easily, we need to
be free of personal attachment.
In this instance, I was WAY attached: I WANTed to go, me, the human being
that I am. I wanted to see the space (which is supposed to be a beautiful spot
to work, in the middle of Nature.) I wanted to see my friends, especially she
with whom I was organizing. I was SO attached that I forced it. I kept
blinders on and ignored the (myriad!) signs. Things which slowed my progress.
Spirit whispering and then speaking to me and finally SHOUTing and jumping up
and down, waving their wings to get my attention. Clear signs that this was
neither the right time nor the right place for the work.
oops.
Oh, well, I'm here to learn!
And now, my ah-hah! I get it: if I don't play the game open and connected to
Spirit, I am not embracing a natural advantage. Like playing poker with a
blindfold on, unable to read what's going on at the table. Which will cause me
to sometimes hold 'em when I shouldn't. Or to get nervous and fold 'em too
soon, just when the game is getting interesting...
Yep, now I get it! The BEST way for me to play is with Spirit, listening and
watching for the signs (like an easy FLOW towards a workshop, like Vence or New
York) so I know - with that calm inner "knowing" - when it's time to
hold, and when to fold.
As for today? Well, that's easy! I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be!
I'd been asking for Help with finding time. I needed a block of time to
finish my out-with-the-old deep clearing (seems I had over-planned my schedule,
quelle surprise. lol). So today's a perfect gift, a jewel: a day for
(Collaborative) decisions on holding and...
Folding from Paris...
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